I am 48 years old. What have I accomplished in my life? Don't get me wrong. I don't consider myself a failure. I had a good marriage of 24 years which is ending in divorce. I have raised 3 fabulous kids and taken in a few extra kids. I taught special ed kids for a while and have lead youth groups, been a girl scout leader, meal taker to those in need, invited countless people into my home for food and a safe place to hang out, written dozens of Christian devotions and helped as many people as I can.
However, when I think about what Jesus accomplished in 33 years, I feel so inadequate. Jesus lived with us in this valley called life. He completed his work on a barren hillside surrounded by two criminals. Even then love spilled from him and he forgave the criminal who asked for help. Even then the wind blew a beautiful whistle, the leaves from the trees fell to the ground in a choreographed manner, the birds sang a lovely song and the heavens broke forth in song at the receiving of it's own son back. I have been fortunate enough to find solitude in the mountains while listening to the song God sings on a daily basis. Even the rippling of a stream or the buzz of a bee is a song sung by God. Have you ever been in an awesome rain or snow storm? Have you taken the time to listen to the storm? Listen carefully next time and you'll hear the majesty of God's music.
There are times when I don't listen to the music because I'm too distracted by the noise of my life, especially during dark uncertain situations. If I remember to take just a moment to focus on God I begin to year the soft hum. When I take the time to read the bible and study notes I begin to discern the melody. When I speak and pray to God directly, in a personal relationship, I begin to distinguish the chorus and when I surrender to Christ completely I hear the glorious band in all it's magnificence, every note distinct and clear. I want to spend my life dancing with Jesus so I might better know the steps through practice. I don't just want to survive the dance, but I want to thrive because of the dance.
My goal this week is to get back on track and devote a substantial amount of my time reading the bible and my study notes. I find that when I concentrate on the music I begin to learn to dance in the valley of my life. The muddiness of my every day life is not a strong enough excuse to stay away from God's word. God knows every dance, not just the good and prosperous ones. He knows the dark and ugly steps of my daily life.
What have I done with my life? I am taking every opportunity to be surrounded by the splendor of Jesus so that I can be ready to do his work when I am called upon. You see, it's not what I do with my life, but what Jesus asks me to do with my life that matters. I miss helping people. It's time I get out of this funk and start focusing on those in more need than I am.